Hello, it’s sunday night here, it means a time to breath out a while before you’re heading for another week. So in order to charge my soul, I would like to write what had been rumbling in my head for the last couple weeks : The Distracting Mind. So, in my personal space of mind, I had so many things to do that actually far away from my reality. I just want to spread and write it out here, to get these imagination sticks out from my head once and for all. So here it is :

1. Winning an oscar

I mean, yes, that’s how big and shallow my dream is. Looking from the fact that I am working in a medical field right now, this was least to happen in my life, even in my wildest dreams. Oh, and don’t forget moments in the red carpet.

2. Publishing A Book

Well, actually, this one is quite manageable. I could write but keep thinking about what I should be writing and resulting I’m not writing anything. So this blogging stuff really helps. It’s therapeutic. And I did not have to follow one single line to write a book, I could just jumped up whatever I want to write in this journal. But yeah, publishing a book is my dream, but I think I could stop thinking about it right now, and make time with my journal.

3. Having own garment business in multiple cities

Oh , this yeah.. this seems me needed some embodiment of being an urban girl, a mixture of Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada and Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s Fleabag. I keep imagining that I am other person with designer clothes and bag, busy calling a French client with a French language, but at the same time bust checking patients in the hospital, and having my own restaurant. This will not happened in anytime Period. I need to stop this.

4. Creating a youtube video showing me dancing with amazing actors from the UK in an Ed Sheeran’s song

Umm..yeah, this will not happen as well. Dancing while doing ordinary activity then suddenly all the famous people from the UK shows up on my routine. I was planning on Put it All On Me by Ed Sheeran. The setting will be in London. And the next video is going to be shot in New York with Carly Rae Jepsen’ song I Really Like You. Yes – I’m on my recurrent acute daydreaming.

5. Producing a Movie

I could probably start from..making screenplay..going into a film school..searching investor..calling up a distributor..or wait, yeah, that was another dream need to be focused on. Maybe later.

In my teens, I could probably called this thing up a dream. I could pick one and focusing and eventually become one. In my late twenties right now, yeah, some of me said there’s never too late for learning, but some of me said wake up in reality and focus what you need to be focus on. Instead of wasting my time embracing my imagination and added in whole new level of false expectations..now what I want to channel myself is : Accept the present. Surrender yourself into whatever life serves you.

Really, if you’re just contemplating and saying that this is the life that I’m not asking for, while you are thinking that all of those above were your goals, you might want to think again that you did not want it bad enough that you’re doing the process of making it happen. Maybe I’m scared because deep down I know that it will never happen. And somehow all those imaginations keep me hoping in a wonder-wall dimension. What clinched me is this afternoon I’m counting my saving and asking for myself..how do I spent this money wisely. I should spent it for my dream. Only one dream since I don’t have that much money. Going into a film school? Publishing my own book? Creating a business of garment ? Making a hits youtube video? Does it all worth it?

No.

The answer is no. All of those dreams were only sparks of my imagination resulted from my exposure of pop culture that I have spent for the last twenty plus years. I was just consuming a lot and resulted in these false imagination. I don’t need that. It probably is the same if I’m giving example of a kid who plays football on Play Station everyday that he dreamt of being a famous player without actually going into a football course or something. It’s just the western world way to foolish us as a consumers.

I want to be free from all this nonsense daydreaming. I want to be focus and let my distracting mind stays right here, in this post, once and for all. For you reading this, I’m sorry I placed all my ignorance in here, but hey you might want to relate it with yourself, do you have distracting mind that won’t let you to focus in the present?