Mental Health – Page 2 – Little Writing on the Wall

What to do at home during the lock-down

Published on March 19, 2020March 19, 2020 by Little Writing on the Wall1 Comment

Hi, I hope you’re healthy and safe in this crisis condition. Today is the first day after my department started the shift to work in the hospital, so basically we minimise our interaction in the hospital, which had been found that one of the residency in my hospital was found positive, and since the hospital is the biggest one in my city so they had to accept treating the co-vid patients. In midst of these condition, my country started the lockdown starting tomorrow. No one could get in nor get out of this country, which is good. Preventive matters.

Now that most of the time we should considered staying at home, these are my ideas for spending productive days (and safe) at home :

Protective Measure

So with the recommendation of my friend, I bought a sterilization lamp online. It was actually designed by Xiaomi for pet, but this sleek and mobile design could be used in another place and for human’s surrounding as well. So we could put in a room, leave the room then let it work for around 30 minutes. I know you might think that this not quite useful, but considering the case that nowadays people still in the midst of not doing the full protective measure ( people still go outside, masks were not obligated unless in my working area, there are still cars around) so it’s not a total self-isolate process. We are still allowed at home. But this could be useful in the future as well, so before the price is getting increased dramatically just like face masks, I decided to buy it. I also considered whether or not it is really important to go outside, and restrict people’s interaction. Yesterday I went to another hospital to visit my friend that just had a baby and they restrict and not allowed us to go visit my friend and her baby. But for what it’s worth I think it’s for a better reason.

I also bought a lot of yoghurt( a french one !) , juice, some frozen foods, and snacks to make myself comfortable at home. It is quite possible in the near future that my government would not allowed public transportation and ordering uber or even making strict regulations not allowed us to get out of home. My home was actually pretty close to two of the crisis center hospital, and also close with a big institute that had been full lockdown due to the rumor that the dean was infected and just last weekend he attend the graduation ceremony. So, yeah, preventive measures is needed.

2. Calling Friends

Being self-quarantine also a good opportunity to connect with old friends because I think it’s the one thing that keep up myself sane, because i would be degraded by my own mind. Just last night, I was thinking that I’m considering to discontinue my dream for studying abroad, because..why, I just can’t find the way to actually getting a decent work in other country, moreover when you’re a doctor when lots of countries have strict regulation giving work from international graduates. So yes probably I’m going to work in my country but spent some weeks or a month going abroad. I hope I could get a shot working in the capital city, and it keeps distracting my mind so I decided to call a friend and we discussed it and she agrees that it is quite reachable reality, instead of stressing myself to get job abroad. So the point is being mindful. We could not predict the future, so let’s just work what we have right now and accept wherever our life leads us too. So calling a friend is a nice way to spent our time without having to spent our money at the cafe, and we could do it just right from home.

3. Writing

Yes, continuing this, it keeps me on track, rewiring my brain and dissecting all the thoughts in my mind. It’s theraupetic. So probably I would write a lot more in this blog. Fingercross.

4. Movie Marathon

YES. I could not explain it more, but my heads were all up for French movies for sure.

5. Study in a fun way

I would think for a study group with us doing the video call but if that’s too much to do, probably the best thing is finding a way to keep interested to read textbook while you’re not taking care of patients in the hospital. Most of my active reading was motivated from taking care patients in the hospital and read about the disease, but I just found out that there were this amazing formula about studying : curiosity. And the formula for Curiosity = Wonder + Awe. So instead cookie-pressure ourself to memorise all the information, let’s take another perception of we’re studying because we want to know about lots of stuff and be awed with all the amazing things that we did not know yet. By involving emotions and being active it is easier to us grasp the information that we received.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

6. Playing Games = Increase our focus

Yes.. I wish I knew it sooner. I usually don’t like games, but I had this one game that keeps me hook, it’s a simple searching hidden objects game, but it’s really addictive and you know what.. I just realized that by having a time-limit we are pushed to increase our focus to win the game, and my mind suddenly worked like a charm that in order to find a hat for example, we have to know the exact shape and colour of the hat, then we search it in the ordinary way it was put, but if it’s not there then we try to continue search in other spot, but remember search the stuff once at a time. You will not be doing anything at all if you’re searching for everything at the same time. And that quite reflects how we study to be efficient. We aim what we want to know, go into the right book and page, and stored the information. That is active studying. And by doing the time limit, it increases our time to read a long line of paragraphs without did not understand the meaning at all.

7. Cooking

Trying out new things is impressing. So I decided instead buying foods, I am making one. It’s also a great way to spent our time with people on the house.

My Own Potato Croquette with Cheese Sauce

7. Reflect Ourself

So I hope everyone is doing all the best for our survival. Remember this is the most important thing : This is the best way to reflect to ourself, to connect us more with The Creator, since we fought with a very little tiny and microscopic creatures yet we’re still losing it. So we are a very weak human being, aren’t we? And we might forgot that all the routines we did were mostly bless from God that we are healthy and being able to do lots of stuffs. And remember don’t forget to have hope..hope that this will be over soon, hope that will be okay in the future.

So, have a great lockdown – may we all protected from the virus. Cheers.

Fight of Flight : A Mindfulness Thought

Published on March 17, 2020 by Little Writing on the WallLeave a comment

So today I had some issues with my fellow colleague. Basically I think the issue was because of me feeling superior than my colleagues so when I want to talk about this one patient, my colleagues thought that he supposed to work-up this patient. Well, I’m kinda mad with my colleague, it was as felt I don’t want to work while actually I’m doing quite good work that day- so I keep my emotions and working in silence for the rest of the day. Eventually, this person complained about my attitude to my friend, and yes, problems started when we talked about it.

Interpersonal relationship problems came when we talk about it. Because there is this ambience about being good in front of others, there’s this ego, there’s this superiority complex , and lots of everything else. So what I want to underline is : I think it’s important to keep ourself being mindful. While being mindful and calm handling every situation, I think it will be okay. But If I’m doing this silent treatment thing so people understood about me- that’s not going to solved anything. That’s what just happened with me and my parent the other day ( see my previous blog post). No matter how mad you are with a person, I think smiling and keeping up the dialogue rather than not answering him or her is essential. Or probably it’s even better you could talk about it nicely. This silent treatment attitude doesn’t work at all, it gives you heartache.

Being in a state of mindfulness is important. Photos by pixabay on Pexels.com

Remember, we don’t let our ego, our sense of “being someone important” involved in our daily relationship. It’s toxic and dissolving. Rather than playing it like I’m the boss, maybe you need to lower your head a bit and played “I’m no one but I’m doing this as best as I can”. I need help only if I really could not do it on my own, but as long as I’m capable of doing it at the moment- and human are capable a lot of thing, really – I’m not gonna my lazy-ass mind be the boss of my mentality but instead get to the warzone and work it right.

One another important thing, fight or flight.

Most of our daily activity requires fast decision whether is fight or flight. When someone is giving us this huge emotions, remember we fight about it or just let it flight. Most of the time, lots of things are better be flighted out- because it’s not important enough to be fighting for. Winning doesn’t have to be going into the battlefield. Sometimes we had our faulty thought as well, and better to be left out rather than giving a whole another stress of fighting.

So yes, one of most underrated but happened daily is interpersonal relationship problem. And in my case, it is mostly due to my ego – my high persona – that I was blamed for. Being a lot more humble person and accepting other person’s flaws, I think it’s needed to have a good relationship with others.

I’m sorry : A thought

Published on March 16, 2020March 29, 2020 by Little Writing on the WallLeave a comment

Hi. I come home early from the hospital today due to the corona infection. Everyone is taking precaution nowadays. Wearing masks, hand hygiene, and stuffs. Anyway the reason I’m writing is about the other thing. I woke up in the very early morning today, after having a dream, about me and my parents. I felt terrible for not treating my parents right. I felt I could do better. Why should I taking considerations from other people, my colleagues, my seniors, my friends, while all of them did not care about me. The only two person that really cares about me is my mum and my dad. They’re always there supporting me no matter what my choice life is. And all this time, I’m blaming them for overshadowing me for choosing my future. No. They’re just there so I know that they were available. I bring my own decisions. Maybe I’m afraid, or it was just fear, or a tingling sensation called feeling that brings to my decisions. Maybe it was not a thorough decision. It was just sentimental at the moment, not looking wide. But in every choice I made, there will be a lesson of life. But above all, my parents were there. And lots of times..lots of times.. I project my disappointment in life to my parents, while they were probably confused about my sudden change of behaviour. My parents, my mum especially, were like a horcrux for me ( if you never watch harry potter- it’s like a soul that separates into other objects so the person can not die). If me or any other people could mock myself, laugh at myself, talk downsizing about me- I just don’t care. It’s not that my soul is dead. It’s probably because I already gave more than half of my soul to my parents. Instead, when I shout or bad mouthing or answering with rather unapologetic tone to my parents, my heart riots. It suffered for my heartache that I gave to myself. I felt terrible.

And that’s one key that I learned from all this years. I’ve been attached to well, I know it’s not good in some ways, but I believe there will be time when I finally rose myself, but at the moment, I just want to enjoy giving back what my parents had done for me graciously since I was child, taking care of me, nurturing me, supporting me whenever I have bad grade, cheering me when I have good grade, driving me to school when I was a child, picking me up back from school, everything that she does..my mom, she gave up her dream job, to take care of her ungrateful children. I’m sorry that I could granted all your wish for me, like being in a profession like my dad, or marrying my first ex which she approved, and me not saying in it good terms. I know you’re a bit disappointed, but you always show the it’s okay smile.

If I had anything that I would mostly regret later..is the fact that I’m not being grateful to my parents. There’s this reason why I chose to NOT studying abroad at the moment..it’s because maybe I know once I flee to other countries, I would stay there, enjoying my freedom, and forgot my parents. I choose this route, living together with them in this late twenties, because inside my subconscious mind I want to make things right with them. It doesn’t matter about my career, my job, my circle of friends, it could rebuild again if it cracks. But once my parents are gone.. I could not rebuilt again things that I was dreaming today. Holding them and share a good laugh with them.

So for everyone..including myself, if you’re still have a parent, embrace them, because they’ve done SO much for us. So here in this chilly afternoon, while listening to lady gaga’s I’ll never love again – here I’m being sentimental. But this reflection is the thing that we missed in our daily life. And thanks to corona (somehow), I got a lot more free time to reflect.

Far from the maddening crowd : a thought

Published on March 15, 2020March 15, 2020 by Little Writing on the Wall2 Comments

I could say that the movie Inside Out is for me one of the good movies talking about mental health. It is animation but it conveys the message so deep about how our mind works. I was just having a bad moment today, being not comfortable with my parents, mad at myself but reflecting it to my parents. I happened to watch this rerun of this movie Inside Out on telly and it hits me right away. I forgot about how wonderful my parents were treating me since I was a child and no matter how grown I have been, I’m still their child so they’re gonna treat me like am a kid. The part when the girl in the movie runaway then the inside-mind part, which is Sadness take the lead, it finally give the girl to express their emotions and received a warm welcome form their parents. This is what happened to me and most of people nowadays. We don’t want to talk about the thing that bugs us then expect the involved person to understand by itself. I think it’s okay to cry at some points to receive a support from others. We can’t be so tight and act like a hard rock everyday.

I just didn’t get where all this madness coming from. Far from the maddening crowd, I might bullet the points that I am really into French movies lately, and watching it made me realised what the hell I am doing here while being in French was way more freeing and living. C’est la vie. I just watched the movie Synonyms which was about a guy who want to change his identity by moving to France but it took hard work. And at some points there were some cultural things that you can’t leave behind no matter how bad you’re trying to be French or any other nationalities. It’s in your blood. At the middle of the night sometimes I was just staring at my window, looking outside thinking what was I supposed to do in the future, and the answer was just coming honest from my subconscious mind : nothing. Not even studying or working abroad gives the solution, at some point you will miss home and at some point you might be asking what the hell am I doing there as well. So what I’m going to do is release my distracting ambition into somewhere else, well this journal, I suppose. It clears up my mind so I don’t have the burden to carry it on for the whole day. Whenever those islands of ambition or wanting come across my primetime thought, I was just thinking ” now that I have written it down, so I have put those utterless ambition away and focus into the other thing”. And it worked somehow. Synonyms is THE movie that perfectly put my wandering thought away about identity crisis and a cynical view of French- the person, the culture, the city. Put those away your glorious ambition by realising everything has its positive and negative side. It is true that in order to get a better output of your mind, get a better input as well. Filter your environment, your pop culture entertainment, your surroundings.

So , now that I’m not mad anymore, shall we take a clearer side and enjoying life moment by moment? Take a breathe. And..Yes, please.

Weekend

Published on March 15, 2020 by Little Writing on the WallLeave a comment

Most of my weekend time spent with thoughts am I doing my weekend justice?

The answer is you spent your time right by being grateful for everything in every minute or everything that you’re doing. It doesn’t matter whether it’s studying, or hanging out with friends, or long way driving, you have to be grateful for it. And how to feel grateful? Here’s the trick that I most of my time missed : remember that these moments will probably never occur again the future. So you might want to embrace those moments.

So beside the fact that Corona virus is getting everyone’s attention, I think it’s also important that we think about our mental health status. Stay safe.

The Distracting Mind

Published on March 8, 2020March 8, 2020 by Little Writing on the WallLeave a comment

Hello, it’s sunday night here, it means a time to breath out a while before you’re heading for another week. So in order to charge my soul, I would like to write what had been rumbling in my head for the last couple weeks : The Distracting Mind. So, in my personal space of mind, I had so many things to do that actually far away from my reality. I just want to spread and write it out here, to get these imagination sticks out from my head once and for all. So here it is :

Winning an oscar

I mean, yes, that’s how big and shallow my dream is. Looking from the fact that I am working in a medical field right now, this was least to happen in my life, even in my wildest dreams. Oh, and don’t forget moments in the red carpet.

2. Publishing A Book

Well, actually, this one is quite manageable. I could write but keep thinking about what I should be writing and resulting I’m not writing anything. So this blogging stuff really helps. It’s therapeutic. And I did not have to follow one single line to write a book, I could just jumped up whatever I want to write in this journal. But yeah, publishing a book is my dream, but I think I could stop thinking about it right now, and make time with my journal.

Writing a book is one of my list. Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on Pexels.com

3. Having own garment business in multiple cities

Oh , this yeah.. this seems me needed some embodiment of being an urban girl, a mixture of Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada and Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s Fleabag. I keep imagining that I am other person with designer clothes and bag, busy calling a French client with a French language, but at the same time bust checking patients in the hospital, and having my own restaurant. This will not happened in anytime Period. I need to stop this.

4. Creating a youtube video showing me dancing with amazing actors from the UK in an Ed Sheeran’s song

Umm..yeah, this will not happen as well. Dancing while doing ordinary activity then suddenly all the famous people from the UK shows up on my routine. I was planning on Put it All On Me by Ed Sheeran. The setting will be in London. And the next video is going to be shot in New York with Carly Rae Jepsen’ song I Really Like You. Yes – I’m on my recurrent acute daydreaming.

5. Producing a Movie

I could probably start from..making screenplay..going into a film school..searching investor..calling up a distributor..or wait, yeah, that was another dream need to be focused on. Maybe later.

Take one and…Shot! Photo by Martin Lopez on Pexels.com

In my teens, I could probably called this thing up a dream. I could pick one and focusing and eventually become one. In my late twenties right now, yeah, some of me said there’s never too late for learning, but some of me said wake up in reality and focus what you need to be focus on. Instead of wasting my time embracing my imagination and added in whole new level of false expectations..now what I want to channel myself is : Accept the present. Surrender yourself into whatever life serves you.

Really, if you’re just contemplating and saying that this is the life that I’m not asking for, while you are thinking that all of those above were your goals, you might want to think again that you did not want it bad enough that you’re doing the process of making it happen. Maybe I’m scared because deep down I know that it will never happen. And somehow all those imaginations keep me hoping in a wonder-wall dimension. What clinched me is this afternoon I’m counting my saving and asking for myself..how do I spent this money wisely. I should spent it for my dream. Only one dream since I don’t have that much money. Going into a film school? Publishing my own book? Creating a business of garment ? Making a hits youtube video? Does it all worth it?

No.

The answer is no. All of those dreams were only sparks of my imagination resulted from my exposure of pop culture that I have spent for the last twenty plus years. I was just consuming a lot and resulted in these false imagination. I don’t need that. It probably is the same if I’m giving example of a kid who plays football on Play Station everyday that he dreamt of being a famous player without actually going into a football course or something. It’s just the western world way to foolish us as a consumers.

I want to be free from all this nonsense daydreaming. I want to be focus and let my distracting mind stays right here, in this post, once and for all. For you reading this, I’m sorry I placed all my ignorance in here, but hey you might want to relate it with yourself, do you have distracting mind that won’t let you to focus in the present?

How to gain focus : What I learnt from losing a match

Published on March 8, 2020March 8, 2020 by Little Writing on the WallLeave a comment

So yesterday I was competing on a Tennis Match in my hospital. Unsurprisingly, I lose. Two years ago I join the same competition but I lose again. Somehow I wasn’t sad since I did not seriously competing. I join because I want to participate. I’m doing this for myself. I want to be a part of the game. I did not routinely practice because well, I did not opted to win. For me, the fact that I was willing enough to join the competition is a champ already. A short champ. My opponent was 10 years younger than me ( I think) and he plays better than me. But somehow in the middle of the game, I realized something. Somehow I lose because my own thought. You can not expect something to win when you are well, not expecting enough to win. If you’re putting yourself in mind that you want to win this thing, and I mean you want it BADLY, then you’re gonna spend a lot of hours to practice and eventually compete. But I did not want it enough, somehow it’s not my priority at the moment, I played tennis just because, well, I like it. And I like to play it with my friends, have some fun. But the interesting part is that, all of my residency friends were cheering for me. Even when I was not at my top game, they still cheering for me! I just realized that eventhough I’m not thinking that I’m the best one, but my friends were acknowledging me as one of the best one. So, I think here’s where my confidence is lacking. I feel that I’m not good enough to win while actually everyone has a shot to win. That revolving thought keep going in my mind that resulting in me not being focus while playing.

So, above all, the key of winning-not only in sports, but also everything is to gain focus. And how to gain focus is basically had been researched in most publications of mental health, but the important thing that matters is – be fully present. Here’s some tips :

Describe what you are doing right now

In order to make your mind fully giving attention for what you’re doing, best describe the activity step by step. It will eliminate all the other thoughts (read:worry, fear, anxious). In example, if you’re serving a ball in a tennis, you might want to think like this way : First I’m gonna throw the ball real high, then give it a full power, and aim for the box. Instead of thinking That’s okay if I’m not hitting it correctly, I still have one more shot or my serve is sucks! I should’ve practice more.

It will work the same when you are doing any other important thing such as doing your homework, studying, or even doing chores at home.

I don’t know about this guy, but he seems entirely focus.

2. I’m gonna enjoy it as if it is my last time

You’re probably doing so many repetitive things that you lost the touch of sensing the actual work. You keep thinking the other thing. It happened when I lead a jama’ah prayer two days ago, then I forgot to read aloud the ayah on my second raka’at. I felt embarassed when I remember it on my third jama’ah, and the reason is because I kept thinking i feel bad because I was a little late for my prayer. The unresolving thought did not help you to gain consciousness during the pray. So in an important activity such as praying, you might want to think when you start the pray that It’s going to be your last time. You want to enjoy and fully attend as much as possible. That also works for any other thing, serving a customer, studying, reading, or even any other simple thing.

3. Do not fear to be judged

Yes, I think most of the time we don’t work so well because we kept trying to do our best in front of others. In that term, it felt like that we’re not doing it wholeheartedly. Those kind of feeling had some holes. If you’re doing it all right, but you made a little mistake, your boss will ditch you for those small mistake instead of praising all the other stuffs that were right. It displeased your peace of mind, and you felt that you’re not doing good enough and create you in a stressful state. Do it for yourself, or even better, doing it wholeheartedly for your God if what you’re dong is a good deed. God is the best judge of all, and you will not feel wronged after all.

4. Stop multitasikng

Gaining focus – I think it is the sole important thing that matters right now. That determine our success. Being able to focus in every task is a habit that is needed to be learned. And in order to create new habit, we have to be fully focus in gaining focus itself. Stop multitasking. Not only it will give distraction, you won’t find any enjoyment and you won’t doing it well in each task. Ask your subconsious mind, have I grasp the task that I’m currently doing?

I hope these tips help. See you around!

5 Hacks to deal with daily routine

Published on March 1, 2020March 1, 2020 by Little Writing on the WallLeave a comment

Every work is useful

Take every work as a task for concentrating and eliminate distraction. Even if is a simple work, remember every work matters. If you’re thinking it doesn’t matter for other people or community, at least it matters for YOU, for focusing your mind from unwanted daydreaming distraction.

2. Describe it

Describe what you’re doing, or be presence for what you’re doing. This will feel like you’re on a movie set doing your scene. You might want to do it pretty well then.

3. Your daily task could be an inspiration

For a writing. For a book. Or for a movie. If you’re on a constant focus on doing what you’re doing, your mind will calm and somehow inspired yourself for having an idea.

4. Your work is a blessing

Be grateful with your abundance blessing. Be enjoy and cherish what you do now and accepting the fact that this is what everything happened in your life leads for, you’re on the right train and you don’t need to jump for another one.

5. Make a creative move

Sometimes you need a little bit fun to eliminate boredom from the routine. Do a little bit different this time. Maybe with music. Or maybe with a different approach on doing task. Whatever that is, keep it simple so it’s not changing the overall result. Or give rewards for yourself at the end of the day. It could be as simple as taking a warm bath with new soap, or having a cookies you’re craving for while reading your book, or relaxing in front of your new favourite comedy tv show with your dinner.