I’m in doubt. Again.

Is this the right path for me?

Am I dong it right ?

I was currently on a webinar about cataract surgery and I just don’t really interested in it. I don’t know, I like all the other parts of my field, including the surgery. But this particular surgery did not lift me up. Maybe it’s connected with my previous history that during my cataract practice and evaluation that I’m not good enough, and I keep blaming my visualisation during microsurgery, and I could blame myself that I probably did not practice hard enough, or maybe because I don’t find a good coach or teacher to teach me. It probably due to lots of factors. I do not want to lose hope, all my friends and family supports me, but somehow there is always this doubt that creeps me in about my future career.

I know that there are lots of other choices of subspecialties that I could took, maybe I’m just not into the cataract part, and that’s pretty much okay- but realising that most of your patients will be a cataract surgery, what can I do? I need to master it, at least I need to be able to do the surgery. I’m in my third year and I haven’t done my own cataract surgery yet from start to finish. It’s crippling me.

There are lots of choices of specialty that I could work of, such as non surgical field which requires lots of thinking ( and I am a huge thinker and observer), but here I am..doing this field. Not knowing what to do or expect. One of my senior told me that we can’t do everything, but I remember one of my best friend said we can do everything. There’s a lot of counterintuitive in my thought, that’s why I’m scared of myself. These doubts won’t keep me going. At the most part it hits me, make me panicked and told to my parents and we had a fight. I told my friends and they’re bored with my story, with why not quit then, but well – you can’t just quit, especially in my third year. I asked some of a good mindfulness guru I knew from youtube and he advise me to keep going.

But these doubts.. this little self-manipulating that hits me sometimes. I wonder, is it just me- or maybe is it true that I’m not that capable of handling this microsurgery things?

If you have some advice, please do comment. I will take your comments gracefully.