It was just one of the usual day when I overheard my junior short-reflecting about life ” I feel useless. I just had a one night shift in a month. And we did not think during working shift, mostly muscle” For your information, this junior actually one of the brightest in class. And I was thinking, she had a baby in home. What about me? What did I do that useful to others? We are on our fittest game which is the age of late 20s, where our mind has grown, our body reach its peak, our habits has built. But do we do use our time wisely? Our daily things, we are actually a human being working like a robot. we did not think. We are aimless do things just to spent our time, because if we’re putting everything aside, if you’re in the state of calmness- you just don’t know what to do to. You’re just a human waiting for the next distraction. You’re a frog waiting for a fly to pass for your dinner, a rain to get avoided for, or another frog to mate. But we’re not animals. We have the inspiration to make changes! We have the ability to have initiative to be useful to others. Most of us spent our energy to make more money, to earn more comfortable living, to reach a higher status, but everything that you do..is it for yourself? Or for others? Or for others that ultimately for the sake for your benefit?
Let’s think a little further..let’s put aside those fear. Let’s study because we’re curious. Let’s study because you’re giving the shot to be a student. Let’s put aside those comforting distraction e.c game, movies, songs etc. Let’s focus a little while..what have you done since you live? Were you mostly be sinful and doing damages? Or mostly you’re doing so good but only for the sake for yourself? Or you’re doing things because you want to be useful to others?
Human are part of community, we’re receiving so much from other people, now let’s think how to give it in return.
One of the reason why ophthalmology ( study about eye) is interesting mainly because we could see lots of beautiful pictures, mentioning that I am a huge fan of watching movies, so visual is a treat for me. So, I want to dedicate this series to help learning more about the amazing part of eye. This chapter will discuss about the angle of the eye, where if any abnormalities found will result in a disease called Glaucoma. We used an equipment named Gonioscopy to assess the depth of the angle of the eye.
A normal angle of eye. Source : SpringerSource :reviewofoptometrysource : review of optometrySource :review of optometrySource :
I have been a fan of watching movie since a very young age. Coming into older age, I realize that I should filter my list of movies between I don’t need to watch and something that is good enough. Watching bad movies pretty much wasting your time, especially when you have other things that need to be done. So in order to clear things up I just want to make a same perception that what I called a good movie is something that made me think and influenced by the idea of the movie after I’m watching it. I mean, there were LOTS of great movies out there, but only some that succeed capture my attention to think and dig the movie a little more- engraved it into my life. And no, this time I’m not gonna make a pretentious list to put me into a movie critics. I’m just happened to be growing up watching lots of movies and pick some that I really like-If the movie were put in a telly I would watch it again and again. Here’s the list – could be updated as soon I found a new one.
15. Spirited Away (2011)
I love all Hayao Miyazaki’s movie- The Ghibli Studio was phenomenal. Once I was in Japan I went to a store that was specially made for all the characters created by the Studio and I know almost all of them. I grow up watching their animations, and Spirited Away is the best way to represents my liking.
Spirited Away (2011)
14. Midnight in Paris (2011)
I love how the imagination works here perfectly without struggling to define the reality that was, a sentimental state being in love and in Paris. The cinematography was exceptional. Woody Allen was phenomenal.
Midnight in Paris (2011)
13. Copenhagen (2014)
I think this is one of the underrated movie out there. It was one of the best Indie-hopeful romantic movie I ever seen. the interesting adventure taken in Europe – the background was easily gives me a crave for European countries.
Copenhagen (2014)
12.The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (2013)
I love the movie since it represents a lot of travel time and showed Ben stiller in on of his best performance. This is one of my wildest dream- to let everything go and just do what you want to do- traveing, wandering, go into a journey, and looking for a self explanation. This movie is underrated in awards show, but it gives meaning to the audiences. Ground control to major Tom.
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (2013)
11. The Motorcycle Diaries (2004)
It was a movie with extra adventure, a fond knowledge of Che Guevara before he started the damn revolution. It was a movie that leaves you inspire in the middle of the night.
The Motorcycle Diaries (2004)
10. Dead Poets Society (1989)
This is the first movie that I could recall as a very first good movie that I ever watched. It has meaning and give a new perception of life. Probably this is the roots of the reason why I want to be a teacher- a good one, not only teaching about subjects, but about life in general. Don’t you forget this.
Dead Poets Society (1989)
9. Pride and Prejudice (2005)
There were lots of movies about love out there, but nothing beat the classic from Jane Austen. Who would forget the much anticipated hate and love from Mr Darcy and Mrs Bennett? The best scene : rainy scene in the garden when finally they approve their actually-not-so-forbidden love. This is probably the roots of all unrequited love that I was longing for the whole time that resulting me in a chronic state of stress about acknowledging other’s love ( if only I could guess it sooner in my younger age). I’m not on that state anymore, gratefully.
Pride and Prejudice (2005)
8. The Devil Wears Prada ( 2006 )
This easily comes up in the list because well, duh, it’s my list. The movie is the epitome of being a free hardworking new yorker with a fashionable attire, horrible boss, wrecked relationship, and bunch of cool gang of friends. It’s a light movie that you could watch on a saturday morning.
The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
7. Rear Window (1954)
Not only because it is one of the most classic cinematic thriller ever made – Hitchcock’s- but I also have a fond memory of watching this movie back in London in the rooftop of a building in Hoxton (Rooftop Cinemas). It was raining, but somehow I manage to enjoy the movie with getting all wet. A classic movie that deserved to be watching in an epic moment.
Rear Window (1954)
6. Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri (2017)
At first I don’t really like this movie. But somehow it grows into my liking. I researched about the inspiration of the movie and the political state that brings from the movie really catch the wind that heats up that year. It represents injustice reality and unfairness in this chaotic world. The impact of this movie was also quite huge where some activists protests using the billboards as well. The cast and the acting was superb.The scene where Sam Rockwell breaks the office was amazing and deserves an oscar- and yes he did.
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri (2017)
5. Moonlight (2016)
This is work of art in every form. Most of the scenes in the movie were cinematic. The story was captivating. And after saw the whole movie you would understand how the title of the movie fits perfectly.
Moonlight (2016)
4. Call Me By Your Name (2017)
The movie adds the list perfectly. It was one of the best artistic-fiction of love out there. A pure love- or a lust? A relationship. Or something in between? This movie leaves you hanging, sad, hopeless, but gives you a clarity that everything shall pass, but while you’re at it, enjoy it while you can. The best scene will probably be the dialogue between Elio and his father.
Call Me by Your Name (2017)
3. Boyhood(2014)
If my life were put into a movie, then this will be the type of movie that I’m gonna be picturing. Growing up as a teen is a struggle, and a mother role is very important. The best scene will be when the finally his mother sending his son off to college. It’s a totally relatable movie with me- and probably with everyone else. One of Linklater’s best.
Boyhood (2014)
2. Manchester by The Sea (2016)
I could not say how much I love this movie. It shows about grief and regret, in the most real form as possible. The tragedy beneath it was unbelievable. The best scenes were Casey confessing at the police officer and the moment where the couple meets again and disembark their chaotic feeling toward each other. My heart is broken, and always be broken..
Manchester by The Sea (2016)
Un Prophet (2009)
I would most definitely fall in this French movie since the first time I’m watching it. It was delicate, thrilling, and real, in the most way possible. The reason why I’m putting this number one list because it gives me strength to my daily life somehow- it gives me the ability to add to my confidence and my gratefulness to a whole new level. I never thought that a movie will move me as a person, in personality. This is a masterpiece that deserves a top on my list.
Hello, it’s sunday night here, it means a time to breath out a while before you’re heading for another week. So in order to charge my soul, I would like to write what had been rumbling in my head for the last couple weeks : The Distracting Mind. So, in my personal space of mind, I had so many things to do that actually far away from my reality. I just want to spread and write it out here, to get these imagination sticks out from my head once and for all. So here it is :
Winning an oscar
I mean, yes, that’s how big and shallow my dream is. Looking from the fact that I am working in a medical field right now, this was least to happen in my life, even in my wildest dreams. Oh, and don’t forget moments in the red carpet.
My wildest dreams
2. Publishing A Book
Well, actually, this one is quite manageable. I could write but keep thinking about what I should be writing and resulting I’m not writing anything. So this blogging stuff really helps. It’s therapeutic. And I did not have to follow one single line to write a book, I could just jumped up whatever I want to write in this journal. But yeah, publishing a book is my dream, but I think I could stop thinking about it right now, and make time with my journal.
Writing a book is one of my list. Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on Pexels.com
3. Having own garment business in multiple cities
Oh , this yeah.. this seems me needed some embodiment of being an urban girl, a mixture of Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada and Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s Fleabag. I keep imagining that I am other person with designer clothes and bag, busy calling a French client with a French language, but at the same time bust checking patients in the hospital, and having my own restaurant. This will not happened in anytime Period. I need to stop this.
Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada
4. Creating a youtube video showing me dancing with amazing actors from the UK in an Ed Sheeran’s song
Umm..yeah, this will not happen as well. Dancing while doing ordinary activity then suddenly all the famous people from the UK shows up on my routine. I was planning on Put it All On Me by Ed Sheeran. The setting will be in London. And the next video is going to be shot in New York with Carly Rae Jepsen’ song I Really Like You. Yes – I’m on my recurrent acute daydreaming.
This song is a catchy tune for dancing
5. Producing a Movie
I could probably start from..making screenplay..going into a film school..searching investor..calling up a distributor..or wait, yeah, that was another dream need to be focused on. Maybe later.
Take one and…Shot! Photo by Martin Lopez on Pexels.com
In my teens, I could probably called this thing up a dream. I could pick one and focusing and eventually become one. In my late twenties right now, yeah, some of me said there’s never too late for learning, but some of me said wake up in reality and focus what you need to be focus on. Instead of wasting my time embracing my imagination and added in whole new level of false expectations..now what I want to channel myself is : Accept the present. Surrender yourself into whatever life serves you.
Really, if you’re just contemplating and saying that this is the life that I’m not asking for, while you are thinking that all of those above were your goals, you might want to think again that you did not want it bad enough that you’re doing the process of making it happen. Maybe I’m scared because deep down I know that it will never happen. And somehow all those imaginations keep me hoping in a wonder-wall dimension. What clinched me is this afternoon I’m counting my saving and asking for myself..how do I spent this money wisely. I should spent it for my dream. Only one dream since I don’t have that much money. Going into a film school? Publishing my own book? Creating a business of garment ? Making a hits youtube video? Does it all worth it?
No.
The answer is no. All of those dreams were only sparks of my imagination resulted from my exposure of pop culture that I have spent for the last twenty plus years. I was just consuming a lot and resulted in these false imagination. I don’t need that. It probably is the same if I’m giving example of a kid who plays football on Play Station everyday that he dreamt of being a famous player without actually going into a football course or something. It’s just the western world way to foolish us as a consumers.
I want to be free from all this nonsense daydreaming. I want to be focus and let my distracting mind stays right here, in this post, once and for all. For you reading this, I’m sorry I placed all my ignorance in here, but hey you might want to relate it with yourself, do you have distracting mind that won’t let you to focus in the present?
So yesterday I was competing on a Tennis Match in my hospital. Unsurprisingly, I lose. Two years ago I join the same competition but I lose again. Somehow I wasn’t sad since I did not seriously competing. I join because I want to participate. I’m doing this for myself. I want to be a part of the game. I did not routinely practice because well, I did not opted to win. For me, the fact that I was willing enough to join the competition is a champ already. A short champ. My opponent was 10 years younger than me ( I think) and he plays better than me. But somehow in the middle of the game, I realized something. Somehow I lose because my own thought. You can not expect something to win when you are well, not expecting enough to win. If you’re putting yourself in mind that you want to win this thing, and I mean you want it BADLY, then you’re gonna spend a lot of hours to practice and eventually compete. But I did not want it enough, somehow it’s not my priority at the moment, I played tennis just because, well, I like it. And I like to play it with my friends, have some fun. But the interesting part is that, all of my residency friends were cheering for me. Even when I was not at my top game, they still cheering for me! I just realized that eventhough I’m not thinking that I’m the best one, but my friends were acknowledging me as one of the best one. So, I think here’s where my confidence is lacking. I feel that I’m not good enough to win while actually everyone has a shot to win. That revolving thought keep going in my mind that resulting in me not being focus while playing.
A sport match resembles a mental game
So, above all, the key of winning-not only in sports, but also everything is to gain focus. And how to gain focus is basically had been researched in most publications of mental health, but the important thing that matters is – be fully present. Here’s some tips :
Describe what you are doing right now
In order to make your mind fully giving attention for what you’re doing, best describe the activity step by step. It will eliminate all the other thoughts (read:worry, fear, anxious). In example, if you’re serving a ball in a tennis, you might want to think like this way : First I’m gonna throw the ball real high, then give it a full power, and aim for the box. Instead of thinking That’s okay if I’m not hitting it correctly, I still have one more shot or my serve is sucks! I should’ve practice more.
It will work the same when you are doing any other important thing such as doing your homework, studying, or even doing chores at home.
I don’t know about this guy, but he seems entirely focus.
2. I’m gonna enjoy it as if it is my last time
You’re probably doing so many repetitive things that you lost the touch of sensing the actual work. You keep thinking the other thing. It happened when I lead a jama’ah prayer two days ago, then I forgot to read aloud the ayah on my second raka’at. I felt embarassed when I remember it on my third jama’ah, and the reason is because I kept thinking i feel bad because I was a little late for my prayer. The unresolving thought did not help you to gain consciousness during the pray. So in an important activity such as praying, you might want to think when you start the pray that It’s going to be your last time. You want to enjoy and fully attend as much as possible. That also works for any other thing, serving a customer, studying, reading, or even any other simple thing.
3. Do not fear to be judged
Yes, I think most of the time we don’t work so well because we kept trying to do our best in front of others. In that term, it felt like that we’re not doing it wholeheartedly. Those kind of feeling had some holes. If you’re doing it all right, but you made a little mistake, your boss will ditch you for those small mistake instead of praising all the other stuffs that were right. It displeased your peace of mind, and you felt that you’re not doing good enough and create you in a stressful state. Do it for yourself, or even better, doing it wholeheartedly for your God if what you’re dong is a good deed. God is the best judge of all, and you will not feel wronged after all.
4. Stop multitasikng
Gaining focus – I think it is the sole important thing that matters right now. That determine our success. Being able to focus in every task is a habit that is needed to be learned. And in order to create new habit, we have to be fully focus in gaining focus itself. Stop multitasking. Not only it will give distraction, you won’t find any enjoyment and you won’t doing it well in each task. Ask your subconsious mind, have I grasp the task that I’m currently doing?
Hello..it’s been a while. I’ve been studying for the last couple days for a try-out exam. It was a prep exam for the later graduation exam on my medical residency. So, thankfully I got the number one spot for the score..it’s weird since I thought the questions was quite difficult and I think I could do better. The reason was because there were some materials that I had been studying but I forgot about it. So at that time I try to figure out my way of thinking and thought there must be some way to be more effective in studying. So here it goes :
Aware about how your mind-habit think
Let me clear about it. If you study about let’s say, X syndrome, what was the first thing that comes up in your mind? In the most definite way, that first word will most likely to be coming up on your brain while you catch the word during your exam. It doesn’t have to be scientific or related, it could be some silly keywords as well. Now since you get your mind-keyword, you could try to develop it from there. Making a new connection in your brain for some new knowledge is difficult, so keep it simple and silly. If X syndrome give you an imagination of Professor X in the movie X-Men so let be all the symptoms of the syndrome be pictured in you imagination of “Professor X”. You might start from there to create a “Mind-Keyword”. By putting a mind-keyword, you let your right brain to have fun as well while you’re studying.
2. Create a supporting environment to study
For me, I finally know that it works for me while listening to some background music. And remember, it have to be background music- not some music with lyrics or your favourite song. A Cafe music, Jazz, or Piano will do. It will help your distraction part of your brain get “distracted ” and let your “focus part” be focus. Let’s say in studying you need something that is comforting to balance your mind, and the music helps. But it might not work for some others, so find your supporting environment. For me, whether it’s better to do it in my room since I have no moving distraction rather than in Cafe, but sometimes being in Cafe is helping since you must done your task and feel “seen” by others so you must finish your work or study.
one of my favourite channel on youtube for studying
3. Be Active
This is very important. Be active in curiosity. Asks yourself about what you’re studying. Review with talking to yourself about what you just had to study. If you study with your friends, actively explaining to others to check whether you had remember and understand it. And this is the most important part :
How to make sure that I am going to remember this ?
Make sure to be able to answer the question after you study a material. Use your imagination with creating some acronyms, or word play, or some personal references. It helps you to unlock the key about the material that you had stored in your brain. Sometimes you’re going to forget your way of understanding the material, but a right-brain word play gems will do, the crazier it gets the better you will remember it.
4. Release the knowledge
Sometimes you spend too much time in storing the materials in your brain, but you did not have enough time to review and release your knowledge. By doing this part you will know which gap or hole in your memory that was not lost or not yet connected. If you find something that you did not forget, it usually means it’s not memorable enough for you, so back to the point number 3 and 1, make sure that you remember it by your own keyword.
Take every work as a task for concentrating and eliminate distraction. Even if is a simple work, remember every work matters. If you’re thinking it doesn’t matter for other people or community, at least it matters for YOU, for focusing your mind from unwanted daydreaming distraction.
2. Describe it
Describe what you’re doing, or be presence for what you’re doing. This will feel like you’re on a movie set doing your scene. You might want to do it pretty well then.
3. Your daily task could be an inspiration
For a writing. For a book. Or for a movie. If you’re on a constant focus on doing what you’re doing, your mind will calm and somehow inspired yourself for having an idea.
4. Your work is a blessing
Be grateful with your abundance blessing. Be enjoy and cherish what you do now and accepting the fact that this is what everything happened in your life leads for, you’re on the right train and you don’t need to jump for another one.
5. Make a creative move
Sometimes you need a little bit fun to eliminate boredom from the routine. Do a little bit different this time. Maybe with music. Or maybe with a different approach on doing task. Whatever that is, keep it simple so it’s not changing the overall result. Or give rewards for yourself at the end of the day. It could be as simple as taking a warm bath with new soap, or having a cookies you’re craving for while reading your book, or relaxing in front of your new favourite comedy tv show with your dinner.
I just finished watching a movie called The Prophet. It was a 2009 movie and won Cannes. It was very good, I haven’t watched a movie this good in a while..I honestly think that it spots on my number 1 favourite movie ever, beating Manchester by the Sea. Tahar Rahim was phenomenal. It had everything in the movie: from thriller, sad nuance, acting, background, music, Islam, French.
Anyway I just keep can’t survive my self from blocked during my interactions with parents, as if I’m trying to contradict everything that they want. I’m just self-pity myself, I got a lot from them, but how could I dissed them? This is not being grateful. I have to keep myself remind my keyword from last topic : Abundance.
It’s better I’m being quiet and locked myself in my room, confined to a room and wondering when I will released from this intimate prison that I create myself, which is my home since the very beginning. It’s like I never move from here. See? I’m dong it again. Abundance.
But I personally think that I’m still on the verge of letting myself go from my parents. It’s like I did not have a freedom. But to think more, I use the keyword Entitled and it clicked. I feel entitled. I did not deserve all of this luxury in my home considering the treatment I gave to the owner of the house. I should be easier with things.
That brings me to my newly number 1 spot movie of all time : The Prophet. Let me think again one time I’m manipulating myself with the question I don’t have the freedom. Be in a real prison like in the movie. You might want to think again. I have a lot to be grateful. Sometimes you just forgot, just like the character Malik in the movie, he was given immunity by his boss but then he got greedy and later in the movie he became conflicted with the other gangs. The part that brings difficulties : Forgot. Forget to be grateful. Forget to act well. Forget that we are all tested in here. It’s just temporary.
But back to the reason why I put this movie to be my number one. It is most definite representing my life: the oppressed for being in prison with my mind. The dream of being free. I also like the excitement of when Malik first went for a plane ride. Or when he enjoys the sound of outer world when he first came out from jail. Or when he felt guilty for killing the guy at the first time and it all coming back to him, in an unthoughtful way. Or when he follows his dream and noticed a signal from God, like a danger sign, that eventually became the title of this movie.
It is filled with the struggle that a man needs to understand life.
Now I would like to address that everyday we undeniably battle with ourselves. But what if we could made peace with it ? Here’s how, we need some remembrance for ourselves that things could be better or worse only by changing our mindset. Sometimes we need a long way to catch the nail that hidden under our mind, but here’s some way to ease our mind- remember some keywords. If you’re messing yourself with your mind, remember those keywords in order to gain momentum about how you want to overpower yourself. This is my keyword so far that worked for me :
Entitled
This is by far, the most psychological-high class-yet easy way to be down to earth. Yeah, most of our problems are ego, and the ego comes from the thought that we feel entitled. We feel that our need and want must be accommodated by other people, resulting in a chaotic mind especially when our expectations did not meet our reality.
2. Abundance
Being grateful is one of the most important thing in the world. Sometimes the word being grateful or blessed is not quite helpful for reminding ourself since it was overused in the daily conversation, but the word abundance is so personal and a good-positive-catchy word to remind us that we already had so much today, and if we’re focusing about all those thing, we might distracted from focusing all other problems that bugging our mind.
3. Get yourself together
In korean words, jeongshin charyeo. Come to your senses. It is very helpful when your mind is cloudy, with lust,emotions, crazy thought, daydreaming. Tell it to yourself like a snap, with a huge excalamation point to realize what you should focusing instead thinking crazy in you little corner of mind.
4. Thou Shall Pass
Just remember, everything wil pass. Your feeling will change and it will not be constant.
I hope it’s useful. What is your own keyword? Share your thought in comments.
I keep thinking how to make things right. But turns out, the answer is right there.
Just right there in front of my eyes.
In order to make things right, you have to be present and be content for what you have today, at this very moment. Set aside your past regret, or future anxiety.
Just deal with now. Enjoy what you’re looking at right now, think that in the future you might miss this very moment. Be grateful for this.
You don’t have to be entitled that you want to make everything is comfortable. Remember, being right is not trying to make everything comfortable.
In life, it is an assurance that you will faced uncomfortable, no matter what your decisions are.
So face your struggle. Don’t have an ideal setup. Just keep yourself busy. It lets your mind stop wandering about how to make everything right.
It will eventually become right. Just hold on to yourself.
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Little Writing on the Wall 